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I knew there was going to be a lot of forgiving and it was going to be done on his part. He took my hand and was a ladder that lengthened me to the floor, and there was hardness in his voice, and we were a parabola around each other, magic circles enforced us, encased us, and protected us, and he whispered my name and made it sound like summer wind of a long childhood that was to last somehow forever, and I dreamed him and he dreamed me and I held his hands and kissed his fingers that were meant to play pianos, and my penis and my balls, and he was ever, and if someone is ever, then you stop doubting them, but I was not that crazy, as we lay on the cool nubby green carpeting in the gray room and we lay side by side and looked up at the gray ceiling and the gray light bulb in the center, and he said, I will not go anywhere, I will not have a life, I will not get into drugs or booze or make a girl pregnant, I will not get a good job after a lot of shit jobs I will not have a wife or. I've asked her to lunch often enough, but she alwayssaid 'No.' Only lunch, but she was reluctant to get too close to me. Ididn't want to push it, and it turns out that the reason she wasreluctant is something I admire enormously. Her scrupulous honesty.She'd been married, she even wore a wedding ring, I suppose to keepother men away even though her husband had gotten obsessed with somewoman and practically disappeared and that was that. She neverthelessrespected the institution of marriage. I was waiting for my divorce tocome through, but even so she wanted nothing whatever to do with amarried man. Business lunches of course, but no other kind. I was onlytrying to be sociable -- my wife and I had been separated already fornearly two years." I'm sorry to hear that," I said. Mainly to seem polite, but I meantit. I wanted him out of here and attached to some other woman."I had the usual reason to want a separation, common enough. Eventuallythe divorce too. I caught her.
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